Contagious Commentary by Monica Wofford

Someone I consider to be extremely confident asked me if her behavior was “cocky” or “confident”? There is a difference, though I would offer that those WITHOUT real confidence come across as being cocky and those WITH real confidence usually don’t ask the question. So how do you develop that unbeatable sense of Contagious Confidence as a leader of others? Here are seven secrets that will get you started:

Secret #1: Confidence is Situational

Just because you are completely confident in teaching someONE how to work with an Excel Spreadsheet, that does NOT mean you are going to be equally as confident explaining it on a stage in front of 50 people. Having confidence is not a one time flip you switch. Confidence in you and your abilities and actions depends on what abilities you are demonstrating and actions you are taking at the time.

Secret #2 Confidence and Self Esteem are Different

Developing Confidence, which is the belief that you “Can Do This!”, is different than developing Self Esteem. Self Esteem is the belief that you are worth the effort that it will take to appear fearless, do what needs to be done even if you don’t know how, or take a risk. You can be confident in your ability to fire that person. You know the steps: the verbal, the verbal written, the written, and the “free up meeting”. Yet, you put it off because you don’t feel like you are valuable enough or what you need is valuable enough or important enough to stand up for and risk being wrong about in choosing to let this person go, or you don’t value yourself enough and think enough others like you to not worry about this person, who CHOSE to not do the job, not liking you when you let him or her go.

Secret #3: Faking It Til You Make It is… well, FAKE

Can I just tell you how much I struggle with this whole “fake it” idea?? Read Full Article »

Can the new movie Nanny McPhee Returns possibly have any ties to Leadership? 

As you may have guessed, I’m a movie fan. In fact, I think I’ve about decided that in another life I must have been a movie critic as I am one of these goof balls who will go to a movie any night of any week and preferably on opening night of whatever the movie is. I love the movies (oh, and the popcorn, an occassional pretzel and twizzlers!) and believe it or not, in most of them, I take notes. Yep, I’m just weird, but I digress…

In the original Nanny McPhee movie, as well as Nanny McPhee returns, both written and starred in by Emma Thompson, this “army of nannies” who is not hired, but “deployed”, a rather frightful looking nanny arrives on the scene with 5 lessons to teach. What if we were that clear on what our five lessons to teach were when we got promoted into leadership? Hmmm…

In the first movie, her lessons were:

1) go to bed when you are told
2) get up when you are told Read Full Article »

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Do you work with folks who suffer from something shiny syndrome? Or do some of them have a really, really LEFT brain and don’t like the lack of specificity in the label “really”? Maybe you work with people who will get things on the list done, not because they are important, but simply because they’re on the list. Who am I kidding, maybe you ARE one of those folks as this is who is most often promoted in a Corporate culture. However, if none of these apply to you, maybe you are or work with those loyal, friendly, would jump in front of a bullet for you people? You work with them all, don’t you?

In fact, you ARE ALL of those personality preferences. Yes, you have ALL four of the standard Jungian personality preferences floating around in your head. We refer to them as Commander, Organizer, Relater and Entertainer when working with clients and using the CORE(R) Profile. The key is to be aware of them, see how much you use each one, and figure out what preferences those you lead are using on a daily basis. With a little awareness and a few insights, you can dramatically improve the communication in your office and signifcantly reduce the back biting and carrying on and gossip that rises high in times of stress.

Got any stress in your office these days? Maybe it’s time to invest a bit in learning about you and those you lead. If you do, you will discover the real reason that that employee can’t stay focused. It’s not that they’re not listening its that they have too many ideas in their head and every five minutes the smallest distraction… SQUIRREL! … knocks them off track, followed by the 7 or so minutes it takes to regain momentum once they’re interupted. Oy! To keep from being frustrated by the differences, these are the three things you want to learn about YOU first, and then about THEM.

1. Learn How They See Themselves
If you can help someone determine how they see themselves, they will then have a more clear picture of why they do what they do and react the way they react. What do you think might be more effective and motivating: Read Full Article »

If you’re reading this and thinking “ah, finally, I get to perfect my leadership and be done with it”, well, then keep reading.

Even if you’re the President of a large country, a popular CEO, or just the leader of your own business, or voices in your head for that matter, chances are you are not ever going to be the perfect leader or perfect your leadership. But the fact that this title caught your eye, tells me something about our own need for perfection, so let’s see if we can get close, which is really the best you can do…

Pillar #1: Do the Best You Can Daily
Do your best to be the real you. Do your best to mitigate and cope with stress in such a way that you are not showing all kinds of negative, knee jerk reactions to people all day long. Do your best to leave that broom you may have ridden to work in its proper parking space outside the building. Read Full Article »

What happens when you talk with those you lead?

If you’ve not read Contagious Leadership, you might miss the subtlety of that statement. Those employees that, until now, you’ve called “my employees” or “my team” or “my people”, are not in fact YOURS. They are people with brains of their own who somehow managed to function in their world before your magnanimous arrival. So, they are those you have the privilege of leading or the team of people you lead.

However, with that, comes a focus on thier needs and who they are as people. Do you meet these people where they are when you talk with them? Or do you talk at them, bark orders, expect them to hang on every word, and do as they are told? Hmmm… if that’s your modus operandai, then you are literally training the initiative right out of these folks. Yet most managers deeply desire a team of folks who can think on their own, exhibit good judgement, and make great decisions without bothering you every five minutes with the famous phrase “have you gotta sec?” Read Full Article »

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Remember how we described belly buttons as kids as “innie’s” or “outie’s”? Well, I got to thinking this week that maybe there is more to this description than the mere staring at our navel exercise. In fact, I think it relates to our Confidence. Is your confidence level derived from the inside or the outside? Do you look outward for confidence and approval, waiting for others to tell you you’re good enough or do you look inward to remind yourself of your value and worth? In other words, is your Confidence an “innie” or an “outie”?

If it’s an “innie” and you look inward to monitor your own behavior against your own measure of what is right or wrong for you, appropriate or inappropriate, successful or not quite there, then you’ve got skills. Keep that up and at the same time, resist the temptation to be too hard on or too impatient with yourself. I must say I speak from experience here, but I think all contagious Leaders with a sense of Contagious Confidence have likely been here once or twice at a minimum.

However, if your confidence is an “outie” and you look for others to tell you if you’re okay or worthwhile or not, here are a few reasons to discontinue that practice and make some worthwhile modifications:

1. Looking outward subjects you to the needs and paths of other people. Most people have a hard time separating what they need from what might be best for you. They don’t typically do it intentionally, but they will reinforce in you what they really want for themselves.  Read Full Article »

Something tells me you thought I meant a different Scotch than the one I learned from. “Scotch” is my collie and today he and I wnt for our usual five mile walk. Well, scratch that, I went for five after putting “Scotch” in the house after mile 2, which is about as far as he’ll make it in this heat, before he lays down and says “Mom, I’m just done!”

Monica's dog "Scotch" met a new friend today!

So, on our walk, I learned something from Scotch. We were on a road next to a field where there are several gopher turtle beds. These are protected little turtles and seemingly inocuous and innocent creatures (though I have noticed how fast they move when they see Scotch coming to play!) One was out of his burrow and right next to the road and Scotch about went bonkers. This is an 80 pound dog who doesn’t know his own strength and he bounds over to the turtle to sniff it out. I am hoping he isn’t going to pick it up and hand to me to play fetch like he does nearly everything else. Instead for about five minutes, I let him investigate. His hair is up on the back of his neck, he’s ready to pounce or play and jumps every time the turtle moves a muscle. But, here’s where the lesson came. After his complete and undivided attention to the turtle, assessing it’s threat status, he then seems to say “Hmm. No big deal.” and then prances off so that we could continue our walk. Mind you this was on mile 1, so on mile 2, I walked him by the very same spot and he sniffed (the turtle having made a completely clean get a way) for a moment and moved on.

What if we did this every time there was something new or a perceived threat? What if we as Contagious Leaders could help those we lead adopt this same kind of philosophy? Instead we talk about it, share our fears with others, make the story grow in the form of gossip and give it all of our attention for days. How much are we missing if we look at whatever the percieved threat is, assess it as nothing, but keep looking back at it and coming back to that spot just to make doubly sure? Wouldn’t it be better if we moved on with our eyes forward looking for either the next threat or maybe even the next opportunity?

I don’t think I”ll sign up Scotch to teach any advanced level Leadership classes, but I am curious what he’ll teach me tomorrow.